Today, this is my focus. To delight in the Lord. I find that I have no other choice. To focus on me only causes me to get lost in the jumble of feelings and emotions that seem to overwhelm. To focus on my loss only causes an ache that goes deep - so deep that I feel as if I will drown.
But how do take great pleasure or joy in the Lord during such times? Simply by trusting Him every moment... or even every second. Each day we have choices - to choose God or to choose the ways of this world which revolve around ourselves. My past experiences make this an easy choice. When I choose to focus on me, what I want, what I think I need.... I am always left unsatisfied and miserable. It never fails, and the pit of depression that follows is dark to say the least.
Yet when I focus on God and His truths - I am filled with that peace that surpasses all understanding. Where I disregard common sense for spiritual sense. Where God guides, God provides - He always has, He always will. Just because times are hard right now is no reason to forget that truth. He is faithful - even when my faith is small.
So there are times these days where my faith is small. I can't say that I'm very fond of the grieving process - and this is by far the most difficult grieving I've ever faced. But God is good - He has surrounded me with loved ones who are eager to come alongside. I know we are not alone, and I know in time I will look forward to what the future holds.....And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
For now, I will try and gain just a simple sense of normalcy. Bit by bit we are getting our home back in order. I even enjoyed going through Chelsea's clothes from her shopping spree to send with the Youth Group that headed to Mexico this last week. Chelsea had wanted to contribute part of her wish to charity, but didn't ever find one that seemed right. Little did she know that she was hand choosing those sassy clothes for those in need. This definitely would be what she would have wanted, and I smile as I consider that God knew - even as she was picking out each item - where they were going. She was contributing, she just didn't know it.
So there it is. My first blog on here. For those of you who choose to endure my ramblings, please feel free to comment. They won't post right away, so don't be alarmed (Aunt Kari) if it takes a while before you see it. I haven't determined how to receive email notifications when I post a new blog, so if this is something you are familiar with, please leave a comment for others who may be interested. Until then, just keep the link and check back.