My life - from the impact of great loss, to a refreshing new take on life and a place where I now share ............... my favorite Plant Strong recipes....

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Pondering on Psalm 37:4

To delight - to take great pleasure or joy.

Today, this is my focus. To delight in the Lord. I find that I have no other choice. To focus on me only causes me to get lost in the jumble of feelings and emotions that seem to overwhelm. To focus on my loss only causes an ache that goes deep - so deep that I feel as if I will drown.

But how do take great pleasure or joy in the Lord during such times? Simply by trusting Him every moment... or even every second. Each day we have choices - to choose God or to choose the ways of this world which revolve around ourselves. My past experiences make this an easy choice. When I choose to focus on me, what I want, what I think I need.... I am always left unsatisfied and miserable. It never fails, and the pit of depression that follows is dark to say the least.

Yet when I focus on God and His truths - I am filled with that peace that surpasses all understanding. Where I disregard common sense for spiritual sense. Where God guides, God provides - He always has, He always will. Just because times are hard right now is no reason to forget that truth. He is faithful - even when my faith is small.

So there are times these days where my faith is small. I can't say that I'm very fond of the grieving process - and this is by far the most difficult grieving I've ever faced. But God is good - He has surrounded me with loved ones who are eager to come alongside. I know we are not alone, and I know in time I will look forward to what the future holds.

....And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

For now, I will try and gain just a simple sense of normalcy. Bit by bit we are getting our home back in order. I even enjoyed going through Chelsea's clothes from her shopping spree to send with the Youth Group that headed to Mexico this last week. Chelsea had wanted to contribute part of her wish to charity, but didn't ever find one that seemed right. Little did she know that she was hand choosing those sassy clothes for those in need. This definitely would be what she would have wanted, and I smile as I consider that God knew - even as she was picking out each item - where they were going. She was contributing, she just didn't know it.

So there it is. My first blog on here. For those of you who choose to endure my ramblings, please feel free to comment. They won't post right away, so don't be alarmed (Aunt Kari) if it takes a while before you see it. I haven't determined how to receive email notifications when I post a new blog, so if this is something you are familiar with, please leave a comment for others who may be interested. Until then, just keep the link and check back.

10 comments:

Thomas Ensign said...

Hello, Celeste!

I think it's terrific that you're blogging. I know how theraputic writing can be from our experience with James's leukemia.

You have so many good things to contribute, and I look forward to reading your future posts. I hope you'll be able to figure out the email notification, as that is a very helpful tool.

Believe it or not, I was thinking about you today. Perhaps I was reading a note you left on one of the kids' CaringBridge sites.

Anyway, thinking of you brought John Piper to mind. We had the benefit of reading his book Desiring God before James was diagnosed and it contributed greatly to our ability to cope with the difficulties of James's diagnosis and treatment.

There are some free resources, including Desiring God available at Piper's web site at http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/OnlineBooks/ByTitle/. Another one there is three chapters from The Dangerous Duty of Delight, which caught my eye given your post; I've printed those off as refreshers for me.

Thank you for allowing us the privilege of continuing your journey with you. May God grant you and Jeff comfort, and may His grace enable you to grow as what Piper calls a "Christian Hedonist."

Anonymous said...

Celeste,
I think it is wonderful for you to have a place to put down all your feelings. Your right, God has placed many people in your life to help you in this journey. I love you all so very much, and I am always here for you.

Chrissy

Lori said...

YEAH! I'm so glad you've decided to continue to share with us. Allowing us to come along side of you during this difficult time and all the happy times to follow is a gift and a privilege.

Chelsea had such a giving heart. Make-A-Wish was supposed to make her dream come true and she wanted to share that dream with others less fortunate. Boy, if I was given a shopping spree, I'm not sure I'd be as thoughtful. But that is one of the many traits that made her so special.

If you ever want to grab coffee, give me a call!

Lori

PS - I'm your girl for blog help. At least as far as my minimal experience and minor addiction allows. On your dashboard, click on the settings tab. Then click on the comments tab. Toward the bottom there is a space to type in your e-mail address called "comment notification address". Once you've entered the address, click save settings and you're ready to let the love come pouring directly to your e-mail. :)

Pat O'Neill said...

Dear Celeste,

We were so blessed to be able to attend Chelsea's memorial service, and what a blessing that was! If all we did was sing that night, it may have been enough. It felt like a glimmer of what heaven will be like several times. God will continue to use Chelsea's life, and yours in ways you may never even know about. I am sure many were touched and inspired that night. We had 10 of us there from past Hope Teams trips to Romania with you, and our love and support was flowing your way. God bless you, Jeff and Kati in these days. It won't be an easy road, but God is good all the time, and He will be there to help you and comfort you through each bend and bump. Love, Pat

Bekkah said...

Hey Beautiful! You are such an encouragement and I thank God for you! Matt. 5:16 says, "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." God is using you so much right now and you are bringing Him glory by being open, vulnerable and by clinging to Him in this time. You are a reminder of what it means to truly trust the Lord. I love you guys and continue to pray for you all!

Joey said...

Hi!!! I love your blog! I am so glad that you are doing the blogs...they are going to be good...I know...the LORD is going to take care of you and Jeff and Kati...He loves you.

Love joey!

Emily Peterson said...

Hi Celeste!
I am glad that you had a blessed weekend. God is so good. You are in my prayers and I love you very much! ~Emily Psalm 42:5 Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
For the help of His countenance.

Anonymous said...

Hi Celeste and family~

Aww... what a BEAUTIFUL portrait of Chelsea!!! It made me cry seeing her beautiful face and smile. Way too precious and so special. Thank you for posting it to your site for all of us to see. :o)

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Jesus bless you & comfort you... and give you "joyful" moments.

Love and hugs to you~

Denese Lawson

Anonymous said...

Hi Testing,
Love aunt Kari

marissa said...

Hey Celeste!
I love you so much! I think and pray for your family often!

Hear O Israel! The Lord our God is one!
You should love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your mind, and with all of your strength! Deut. 6:4-5

Look to Jesus ALWAYS!

With love,
Marissa