My life - from the impact of great loss, to a refreshing new take on life and a place where I now share ............... my favorite Plant Strong recipes....

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Springtime Blues???

Springtime Blues?
Is that even possible?? Something happened when we turned the calendar to March. I don’t know how to explain exactly. I have been so anticipating spring … days at the park with Kati, walks with our dogs, cleaning up the much neglected yard. And I’ve loved the sunshine on the days we’ve had it.

But something’s changed. I didn’t really recognize it until I shared with a friend this morning. I'm finding this time of year is really weird for me... as last year we were just in the midst/beginning of chemo treatments. I remember feeling like we were constantly at the hospital so much that we missed spring and a big chunk of summer. Now that I get to enjoy the seasons again, I almost feel guilty doing so.... like I'd rather be at the hospital with my baby.
...
Not to worry though. This weirdness only comes in waves, and overall, we are doing really well. Kati is growing and maturing like crazy, and loves her preschool. It really will be nice to be outside more with her since she is so busy. She has friends that she constantly talks of and wants to spend time with.

Jeff is great. He takes such good care of us. We’re so thankful for the job that he has and for the friendships he has there. Though he has been there long enough (since before we met) that I tease him about being old. His salt and pepper hair proves it.

And I am good. I’m excited for summer and lots of time with friends and family. Physically, I am feeling better than I have in years. After Kati was born, the migraines had been intense daily. A new program that I’m on seems to be having some sweet results after just being on it a month. Since it’s a more holistic approach, I’m not having the negative side effects of so many other treatments that I’ve tried. I pray this continues, for I really do enjoy feeling better - and appreciate the good days like never before!

Doernbecher Children’s Hospital has invited us to their annual Memorial Service that honors and celebrates the lives of patients who have died this last year. That will be the first week in April. It will be good to connect with the other families that we knew, as well as the Doernbecher staff that we learned to love over those months. I’m sure it will be bittersweet. I’m so proud of my Chelsea Rae and the impact she has made. People have shared so much over the months about how Chelsea’s journey impacted them, that I truly do consider it an honor to be her mom.
God is good.

I recently heard a phrase that is so true (thanks Dionne!):

“ Sometimes God calms the storm.
Sometimes God lets the storm rage, and He calms His child. ”
- Author Unknown
With that I will close.

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3 comments:

krissy keelan said...

I'm glad the migraine treatment is helping, that must feel like such a relief.
Reliving the months of last year are probably hard on all of us that had ours lives changed by cancer. We missed so much of spring and summer and I guess you can throw in fall and winter too. This year will be so different. I keep a daily journal for McKayla's meds, boluses, diapers, etc and when I had to write March this weekend, I too had a strange feeling. This time last year everything began. Leo was out of town and I was blaming the screaming and crying out on teething until it just wouldn't stop. Now this year he's going to be out of town again, but this time out of the country for a few weeks. Thinking about her 1st post treatment scans is scary if I let my mind wander too much. At least we'll have the results before he leaves! I trust God that he has a plan for McKayla and I know that he is in control of McKayla's future.
Enjoy the beautiful days outside when they come!

emily said...

I love you, Celeste!

I am so glad that you are getting migraine relief. That must be such such a good feeling!

We've been thinking of you lots these last couple of weeks, as you said, we remembered it was about a year ago when the chemo began. I am praying for you. I love you so much and you are such a sweet blessing in my life, one that I am very, very thankful for.

I will be praying for you as next month you go to the Memorial Service. Chelsea touched my life in a special way, and I know she did the same to so many others.

I love that pic. - what a pretty dress, and on a very pretty girl. Kati always makes me smile! We had a fun time last week playing "Follow the Leader". She said something like "You have to spin around and try to fall down, but not fall down". It was too cute!

All my love coming your way!
Emily

Lori said...

We got the same invite. I haven't been sure what to think about an event memorializing so many lost children. And it's exactly a year and one day after Lillian died. I was almost certain that I wouldn't go but you've got me re-thinking it. It seems somehow fitting to return to the place we last saw her on such a big anniversary.

I think of you all often. It is good to hear that things are good, even with the weirdness and sadness. One of my biggest learnings is that it's ok to be happy...even though it's mingled with sorrow.

If you like that quote, you should hear the whole song...

Scott Krippayne
"Sometimes He Calms the Storm"

All who sail the sea of faith
Find out before too long
How quickly blue skies can grow dark
And gentle winds grow strong
Suddenly fear is like white water
Pounding on the soul
Still we sail on knowing
That our Lord is in control

Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child

He has a reason for each trial
That we pass through in life
And though we're shaken
We cannot be pulled apart from Christ
No matter how the driving rain beats down
On those who hold to faith
A heart of trust will always
Be a quiet peaceful place